TAKE THIS BEER AND SHOVE IT Ė Chris Jones, 5 Nov 2012 (with apologies to David Alan Coe and Johnny Paycheck)
Take this Bass and shove it, I ain't drinkin' it no more,
I want a beer with flavor, so Iím headed out the door,
Iím not drinkiní no Boddingtons, and no Newcastle Brown,
These English beers are boring, so I guess Iíll see you Ďround.
ESBs are not ďBĒ enough, and Youngís is tasting old,
Old Speckled Henís for chickens, Whitbreadís only good cold,
I tried to like a Bass ale, itís a taste I tried to savor,
But I found it lacking in something, I would call it flavor,
There is one English beer we like, that lovely Guinness Stout,
Itís dark, dry and delicious, a beauty thatís no doubt,
Wait, thatís Irish not English, guess I flunked geography,
Well itís from the same neighborhood, and thatís close enough for me.
This IPA is bollocks, I ain't drinkin' it no more,
It tore the enamel from my teeth, so Iím headed out the door,
American beers are arrogant, you think youíre brewing Gods,
You overhop everything you make, to cover up the flaws.
I tried your West Coast IPAs, they almost make me choke,
A pound of hops per bottle, is this some kind of joke?
Beer with bacon, beer with spices, always a too-doo,
No beer with mountain oysters? Oh, wait, youíve got that, too.
There is one US beer we like, Corona Extra beer,
We drink it and we find our beach, and itís a long way from here,
By Jove, thatís Mexican not US, I forgot some geography,
Well, itís from North America, and thatís close enough for me.
WEíRE IN THIS TOGETHER KUM-BA-YAH CHORUS:
So take this beer and drink it, and then letís drink some more,
Weíve got a beer with flavor, so weíll have another pour,
Tis no matter where the beerís from, weíll get this off my chest,
The beer thatís in our hands is the one we like the best.
Bitters are not bitter enough, for the likes of me,
So Iím headed west to America, for some variety.
Greene Kingís not kingly, Kilkennyís out of luck,
Everyone knows that Samuel Smithís bottles are all lightstruck.
Double IPAs are too strong, I believe Iíll have to pass,
Beer pong is so crassly yours, drink, get loud and be brash,
Always high in alcohol, overdone, stop it forthwith,
Why not drink straight ethanol, and get it over with?