TAKE THIS BEER AND SHOVE IT – Chris Jones, 5 Nov 2012 (with apologies to David Alan Coe and Johnny Paycheck)

AMERICAN POV:

CHORUS:

Take this Bass and shove it, I ain't drinkin' it no more,

I want a beer with flavor, so I’m headed out the door,

I’m not drinkin’ no Boddingtons, and no Newcastle Brown,

These English beers are boring, so I guess I’ll see you ‘round.

ESBs are not “B” enough, and Young’s is tasting old,

Old Speckled Hen’s for chickens, Whitbread’s only good cold,

I tried to like a Bass ale, it’s a taste I tried to savor,

But I found it lacking in something, I would call it flavor,

CHORUS:

There is one English beer we like, that lovely Guinness Stout,

It’s dark, dry and delicious, a beauty that’s no doubt,

Wait, that’s Irish not English, guess I flunked geography,

Well it’s from the same neighborhood, and that’s close enough for me.

CHORUS:

++++++++++

ENGLISH POV

CHORUS:

This IPA is bollocks, I ain't drinkin' it no more,

It tore the enamel from my teeth, so I’m headed out the door,

American beers are arrogant, you think you’re brewing Gods,

You overhop everything you make, to cover up the flaws.

I tried your West Coast IPAs, they almost make me choke,

A pound of hops per bottle, is this some kind of joke?

Beer with bacon, beer with spices, always a too-doo,

No beer with mountain oysters? Oh, wait, you’ve got that, too.

CHORUS:

There is one US beer we like, Corona Extra beer,

We drink it and we find our beach, and it’s a long way from here,

By Jove, that’s Mexican not US, I forgot some geography,

Well, it’s from North America, and that’s close enough for me.

CHORUS:

FOLLOWED BY:

WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER KUM-BA-YAH CHORUS:

So take this beer and drink it, and then let’s drink some more,

We’ve got a beer with flavor, so we’ll have another pour,

Tis no matter where the beer’s from, we’ll get this off my chest,

The beer that’s in our hands is the one we like the best.

EXTRA VERSES:

Bitters are not bitter enough, for the likes of me,

So I’m headed west to America, for some variety.

Greene King’s not kingly, Kilkenny’s out of luck,

Everyone knows that Samuel Smith’s bottles are all lightstruck.

Double IPAs are too strong, I believe I’ll have to pass,

Beer pong is so crassly yours, drink, get loud and be brash,

Always high in alcohol, overdone, stop it forthwith,

Why not drink straight ethanol, and get it over with?